Updated: Feb 27
I'm not sure what it is about me and trying to break into saturated fields. I guess I was lucky (cursed?) that my parents always supported me regardless of my dreams and encouraged me to pursue them over wealth.
The thing about getting "good" at something is you develop an incredibly nuanced appreciation for what "good" actually looks like. You can appreciate the technical mastery of someone like Shin Lim in a way the layman simply can't.
In the (hopefully) wise, this creates a simultaneously more realistic and daunting picture of just how much you haven't learned. And for somebody trying to break into a field who hasn't been practicing since they were five years old, it creates a pressure driven by feelings of "If I'm not the very best, nobody will book me." Well, I'm not the very best. Don't get me wrong, I'm solid. And I believe I practice harder than anybody else I've met. I've had magicians tell me they've never seen someone improve as rapidly as I. But I also haven't been in the game as long as some, and that's scary when all of a sudden putting food on the table means competing and winning.
It's easy to forget that it's a shared field. When I worked for the liquor store, I didn't fear that some other store had a better selection. I did the best with the tools I had and it was enough. As an opera singer there were always better singers, but I worked hard enough to become good enough to get paid. Looking back, I didn't have to be the best. As with everything before, I need to focus on what I can control: I can practice as hard as anybody. Whatever happens after that happens, but I can ensure that nobody puts in more time and focus. Be the best at effort, if that's not enough then nothing would've been. I'm excited. :)
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